Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
