I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize