I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
