After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Green mimosas i think yes
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
