he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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