Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
