No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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