Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
