This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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