i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
