there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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