my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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