What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
