I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
