I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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