just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
