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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south

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• (281): View more from Texas

  i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  condoms and good judgment

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Can I buy both of those at the same store?

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• (972): View more from Texas

  it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.

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• (631): View more from New York

  I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers

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• (714): View more from California

  We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.

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• (607): View more from New York

  He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.

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• (631): View more from New York

  I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow

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