You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
