Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
