Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
