I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
it wasn't lemon gatorade
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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