Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
