new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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