My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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