why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
