i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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