this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
