I accidentally had phone sex last night
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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