new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How does it feel to date your dad?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
