I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize