went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
