soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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