i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
