he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
