I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
