Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize