just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
