i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
