I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize