I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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