I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
