I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
