So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
