i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
