So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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