So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
