so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
