It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
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