I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
