do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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