i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize