just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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