Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
