she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
