I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
