i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
