Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize