Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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