i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize