I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
