His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
