like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
