i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
