Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
