Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
