butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
