Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize