Define "chronic" masturbator.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
