It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
