Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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